Reflecting on 2018

I’d like to take the time to wish everyone a Happy New Year and hope you have a lovely start to 2019… I’m currently getting over the flu that I caught after Boxing Day. 🙁 But, before the clock strikes midnight, I wanted to reflect on the year I’ve had, both the good and the bad.

Side note: I wasn’t sure whether to publish this post when I first started writing it, in case it came across as attention seeking. But ultimately felt it was a good form of closure for me.

Reflecting on the past year;

I started the year with a huge hit to my mental health after leaving an emotionally abusive relationship last December. I thought the hardest part was leaving but the aftermath and finding myself again was even more difficult.

There were break downs at work, long waiting lists with the NHS for therapy, bad reactions to anti-depressants and binge drinking to cope. But, I got help through it.

My family and friends were very supportive, even when they didn’t know what to do or how to help me. So were my colleagues, especially one of the ladies in the office who I’ve been spending time with outside of work.

I’ve met some new friends (two of which I went to San Francisco with) and got closer to some I’d lost touch with, because I wasn’t “allowed” to see them. No one should make you feel like that.

I think one of the most important things I’ve learned this year is, that good friends are hard to come by. When bad things happen, you learn who truly cares about you and this came more apparent this year. Yes it’s sad when you lose any kind of relationship but toxic ones are never worth it. They can be so mentally draining. So can holding on to the past or holding grudges.

My therapist has been invaluable the past two months and I feel that her advice and support. Her listening. Is helping. So is receiving a more specific diagnosis as my therapy is now catered towards it.

I have been diagnosed with depression, social phobia and a mild form of agoraphobia. We think the phobias and the anxiety that fuels them are from not being allowed (there’s that word again) to do the things I wanted or see the people I love. I am still receiving treatment and this is what has been my focus the second half of the year.

If nothing else, 2018 has been a year of self discovery and I believe I will come out the other side as a much stronger person. At the start of year, I felt dread and didn’t think there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m glad I did and grateful to everyone who has been there for me this year.

Highlights of 2018; it’s important to remember the little things that make you smile.

• San Francisco – my first trip outside of Europe.
• Day trips – Bristol, Birmingham, London, Cardiff
• Turning 30 and my Star Wars surprise party
• My cousins wedding
• Concerts – Fall Out Boy, Eminem

Going into to 2019 my focus will be on myself. Discovering who I am again, finding new hobbies or learning to love my old ones and being more open. If I’m having a bad mental health day, tell some one, don’t suffer in silence. Which is what I urge you to do if you’ve been affected by anything in this post.